How to be cool & stain your teeth

My senior year,

I drank too much coffee.

It was like

someone had sent out

this memo:

Adults drink coffee.

Pretend that you like it.

So I did.

What they don’t tell you

is this:

Coffee is expensive.

But now I’m addicted

to the smooth bitter burn.

Then I went to college

and the next memo

made it more complicated:

It’s cool to be British,

and they drink tea.

P.S. Only posers use teabags.

I wonder if anyone ever died

from beverage confusion.